Everyone knows that marital separation and divorce generate a high level of emotional pain for both the spouses and their children. However, there is no proof whatsoever on which is less damaging:
• The family that still live together, although their relationship has become mutually and emotionally damaging for the parents; or
• The spouses separating and later divorcing
They realize what will be their family’s future in a long-term status of marriage. This will fall on either one of the three categories:
• About one-fourth of the families do able to thrive as a strong, well-flourished family, in which the spouses are able to resolve conflicts with the use of effective inter-communication.
• About a fourth seriously lacks the qualities of a loving and unified family, yet they still live together with concerns of apathy, financial issues, the best interest of their children, and others.
• About a half separate because of a terrible experience. Eventually, they divorce. This ranges from a relationship failure, to a second degree dreadful experience.
All married couples assume that they will live happily together and forever. Well not all are that lucky to that. They sometimes fail to meet these assumptions. One instance is that:
• They lack proper communications skills.
• They do not exert effort to restore their crumbling relationship.
• Their effect of their marriage gradually wears down as time passes.
• An unsolved dilemma occurs.
• Stress among them is too eminent: they could not cope with it.
• The total breakdown of their relationship ends up divorcing.
Effects (In Short-term):
In most cases, the critical issue to be decided among them is not to divorce, but to separate. Surveys have found out that separating is an intensely difficult incident. Many separated individuals experience an emotional “aftermath” of the separation. All of them suffer depression, guilt, fear, and hopelessness. This will take years before they can restore emotional stability. Oftentimes, an ex-spouse would not cope up towards healing, in which they will remain seriously distressed.
Children will think of themselves as the cause of their parents’ divorce. They regret of not doing the right things a son/daughter must do for the family. They think that if only they could do that earlier, no divorce will happen. They are in need of guidance from relatives, explaining that they are not responsible. Most of them try to reunite their parents.
Not all separation processes are equally tough:
• Couples prefer going through a marriage counselling to save their marriage life, if still hard look for divorce mediation for the process to get faster, better, cheaper, and less emotionally draining, than going through conventional processes of hiring lawyers and resolving the conflicts either by negotiation or by litigation.
• Separation and divorce are more difficult because many additional factors related to child welfare are involved (like child custody).
• Spouses often use their children as pawns in an attempt to punish the other spouse, resulting to separation.
After separation, the average standard of living of the couple degenerates, because one additional residence has to be funded from the family financial resources. Couples who both have careers or have support from their families of origin often more easily handle the financial drains of separation.
While childhood depression can be triggered by events such as changing schools, divorce, moving, or a death in the family, there is a genetic component to depressive mood disorders, and some children are more predisposed to these feelings than others. In past generations childhood depression was often dismissed as normal growing pains, but now that we know more about the causes, symptoms and long-term effects of depression, early detection and treatment of depression have become important concerns.
If you suspect that your young child may be suffering from depression, do not dismiss it. Depression can take root early in life and have long-lasting effects, but you can take steps now to ensure that your child lives a full and happy life. Here are the most common signs and symptoms of childhood depression:
Family history: If there is a history of depression in your family, pay extra close attention to the moods of your child. Even if neither you nor the other parent have depression, these afflictions can skip generations. If you have any parents or siblings who have struggled with mood disorders, then your child could be at greater risk.
Irritability: The symptoms of childhood depression mimic those of adult depression in many ways, but there are important differences. For one, while depressed adults often become withdrawn and sad, depressed children are more likely to become irritable and have outbursts of irrational emotion. They do not have the emotional maturity to recognize the meaning of their feelings, so they lash out.
Loss of interest in activities: If your child frequently complains that she is bored, or if she does not seem interested in any of the activities she used to enjoy, this could be a sign that her mood has declined.
Social difficulties: Having an active social life is a crucial part of childhood development. Depressed children often have trouble interacting with their peers and maintaining friendships, which can lead to arrested development in the social sphere. If not changed early, this can have negative social effects for life.
Frequent complaining: More often than in grown-ups, depression in children can lead to physical aches and pains. If your child frequently complains of headaches, stomach aches, or other pains, be sure to take her to the doctor for a checkup. If nothing is physically wrong, it could be that the pains are triggered by depression. They may be signs that your child is reaching out for help.
Declining school performance: To do well in school, children need to be focused and engaged. Depression can get in the way of this. If his grades have declined, or if he frequently expresses an intense aversion to school, it could be that depression has begun to interfere with his studies.
Frequent crying: Children who are depressed often cry for seemingly no reason. If your child sometimes cries but cannot seem to tell you what is wrong, it could be a sign of unusually melancholy feelings within.
Violence or aggression: Depression can cause children to become aggressive toward their peers or siblings. Some children are naturally rougher than others, but if your child has suddenly become aggressive or has repeatedly gotten in trouble at school for fighting, it could be linked to depression.
Low self-esteem: Childhood depression often goes hand in hand with feelings of low self-worth. If your child often speaks negatively of herself or seems to lack confidence, these might be symptoms of depression.
Morbid thoughts: Children who are depressed sometimes become obsessed with death or violence, and if they do not express these thoughts openly, it may come out in schoolwork or in things like drawings or writings.